The plane is getting ready to move into the runway. Im sitting with my family, nibbling on a chocolate i bought from the Duty Free Store. I'm counting down the minutes till we land in Dubai, our destination. a grumpy Oman air stewardess comes to me. "Excuse me, but u'll have to move yourself to another seat, you're not allowed to sit near the emergency exit." i get up, with my bag of chocs and my i pod and sit wherever the hell she wants me to. i couldnt have cared less. until....
next to me i find a sort of giant. his pants say new zealnd something. so i figured hes from new zealand. hes reading enid blyton and he looks 19. oh my god, i think. and since, im bored out of my wits, i decide to see how far mr. giant goes with his childish book.
by now, the plane is speeiding down the runway... we take off and i feel a pop in my ears. the guy has horribly dirty hands. it looked like there was an insect between his nails. i look away. after a while as i happen to turn around, what do i notice, but a huge glob of earwax in his giant ear. its sortof yellowish. his body seems like a breeding post for bugs. he looks like he hasnt taken a bath in months. maybe he was on a pilgrimage. he takes out his book, tries to read and then puts it back. i think he couldnt read the word misconception. i guess he gave up on enid blyton. maybe hell move down to noddy?
when the stewardess comes to give us a snack(by the way, if u ever travel on oman air, buy loads of chocs from the duty free coz the food just PLAIN SUCKS!) neither of us ate the snack.
all of a sudden, without warning, he turns to look out the window next to me. i see his face. its a forest of pimples. its like a mountain range. theres big pimples and smal pimples and growing pimples. he turns back. and now he starts to pick on one of his zillion pimples. it pops. it bleeds. its bleeding down his forehead. he wipes the blood off with the tip of his finger. im about to throw up through all of this. im holding my puke down. and i decide if i throuw up, id do it on him. he couldnt smell much worse anyway. and then he sucks on his bloody finger.
what the bloody fuck is wrong with u mr new zealand???? did u want to ruin the apetite of the girl sitting beside you?? or are u just wierd? i was uteerly completely disgusted.
i lay my head down. i am not going to bear this guys antics anymore. in 5 minutes, the plain has landed. it was a short flight. despite the giant displaying all his bodily filth to me.
and we get up to take our baggage. he gets up and reaches to the upper hold. i now realise the new zealand pants were low waist. as he slowly raises his arms, i see in my damn face a motherfucking calvin klein label. his ass is near my face. his damned underwear is exposed. he stinks. i swear to myself i will never move from my emergency exit seat even if my life depended upon it. fuck you calvin, u just scarred me for life.
Saturday, April 22, 2006
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
Fiction: Krypton
KRYPTON
It all started the day I wished upon a star. You know, like in the stories?
I was sick and tired of everything. Of my mom making me stuff my breakfast down my throat; of my dad telling me if I don’t hurry up, I’ll be late for school; of my little brother being the average annoying little brother; of my alarm clock, set on snooze, ringing every five minutes; of everything. I wanted; no, I needed some peace and quiet. So I wished upon a star that I could get out of this chaotic place.
I think I wished too soon because, to be exact, I wished away planet earth. Yup, you read right, I WISHED AWAY PLANET EARTH. How do I know, you ask? Well, what else would you think it you found yourself on a huge sphere of rock, having no signs of life whatsoever? This place had E-M-P-T-Y written all over it.
So here I was on a ‘sphere of rock’ all because foolish me wished upon a star. A star! Whose wish upon a star is actually granted?
As I was pondering over this trivial question, I discover a boy of about my age doing some sort of experiment. The big head, even bigger hair and the know-it-all expression on his face; this had to be Jimmy Neutron, Boy Genius. And I was right.
I’m saved!!
“Hi,” he says.
“Hi, what are you doing?”
“Oh me?” he replies, “I was out on Jupiter collecting rock samples and when I return, this is what I find of Earth. I don’t understand what could have happened.”
“Ahem, that would be my fault,” I say, “I wished the earth away.”
“Right. And I’m Frankenstein’s mother,” Jimmy mused.
I could see he really looked down on me, even though I was at least half a foot taller than him. Now I can’t complain, because this super brain was my only ticket out of my former home. I told him my story. Though he thought I was an escaped lunatic or something, I convinced him to find a way to get us out.
So we walked a bit and reached at the base of a hyper-galacto-whatsitsname-thingamajig (I think.... I’m just going to call it ‘the rocket’ for now.). Jimmy Neutron (Boy Genius) and I (totally brain-dead compared to him) blasted off on our search for new earths. It was a good thing I had taken time to read up on my National Geographic or I would have lost it in there with Smart-Ass-Neutron.
Anyway, there we were, traveling at twice the speed of light and after about an hour, we located a planet, with the perfect conditions for habitation, according to one of Jimmy’s gadgets. I secretly name our new discovery ‘planet Krypton’ after the place from which Superman hails.
Yes! Finally I can get away from this big-head hogging all the space! I thought as we broke into the atmosphere. (OK maybe I should have been thankful, but this guy was driving me nuts) In two minutes, we were there; thanks to Jimmy’s twice-the-speed-of-light-rocket.
Somehow today seems to be a day of surprises; first with the earth disappearing, then Jimmy Neutron and his rocket and now this. Jimmy is not helping at all. He’s too obsessed with rock samples.
Before me I see exactly what I wanted to get away from: Earth, with all its chaos.
Hold on, let’s rewind back. Earth? This isn’t earth! This is supposed to be Planet Krypton!
“Jimmy what did you do?”
“Nothing,” he replies and off he goes with his rock examiner.
Where’s the big-head when I need him?
After a few minutes, I realize that Jimmy has landed us a few streets away from our neighborhood. I was analyzing my chances of finding Jimmy again and getting some sense out of the situation when he rapped on my shoulder.
“Hey”
Speak of the devil…
“Yeah? What is it?” I ask
“Well, after a bit of research, I’ve found that every 7 blue moons (I later learnt that one blue moon is 96 years) someone’s wish to make the world disappear comes true. And unimaginable force beyond comprehension transports all the things on Earth and its near vicinity to another planet with equal resources for life. Only the ‘wisher’ remains on earth.”
OK, that was a little bit too much for me to understand
“Run that by me again?”
With enthusiasm, Jimmy continues, “you see, when there are two planets to use, although no one realizes it, the depletion of resources is reduced by 50%. That’s why the Earth; or technically earths aren’t destroyed by now.”
“So basically, there are two earths and once in a while, we switch between them?” I give him my simplified version.
“If you put it that way, yes,” says Jimmy, not at all impressed with my analysis, “well, see you around!”
“Um… you too.” I reply though not really meaning it.
Well, I got my life of yelling parents, annoying brother and alarming alarm clock back.
So much for Krypton.
It all started the day I wished upon a star. You know, like in the stories?
I was sick and tired of everything. Of my mom making me stuff my breakfast down my throat; of my dad telling me if I don’t hurry up, I’ll be late for school; of my little brother being the average annoying little brother; of my alarm clock, set on snooze, ringing every five minutes; of everything. I wanted; no, I needed some peace and quiet. So I wished upon a star that I could get out of this chaotic place.
I think I wished too soon because, to be exact, I wished away planet earth. Yup, you read right, I WISHED AWAY PLANET EARTH. How do I know, you ask? Well, what else would you think it you found yourself on a huge sphere of rock, having no signs of life whatsoever? This place had E-M-P-T-Y written all over it.
So here I was on a ‘sphere of rock’ all because foolish me wished upon a star. A star! Whose wish upon a star is actually granted?
As I was pondering over this trivial question, I discover a boy of about my age doing some sort of experiment. The big head, even bigger hair and the know-it-all expression on his face; this had to be Jimmy Neutron, Boy Genius. And I was right.
I’m saved!!
“Hi,” he says.
“Hi, what are you doing?”
“Oh me?” he replies, “I was out on Jupiter collecting rock samples and when I return, this is what I find of Earth. I don’t understand what could have happened.”
“Ahem, that would be my fault,” I say, “I wished the earth away.”
“Right. And I’m Frankenstein’s mother,” Jimmy mused.
I could see he really looked down on me, even though I was at least half a foot taller than him. Now I can’t complain, because this super brain was my only ticket out of my former home. I told him my story. Though he thought I was an escaped lunatic or something, I convinced him to find a way to get us out.
So we walked a bit and reached at the base of a hyper-galacto-whatsitsname-thingamajig (I think.... I’m just going to call it ‘the rocket’ for now.). Jimmy Neutron (Boy Genius) and I (totally brain-dead compared to him) blasted off on our search for new earths. It was a good thing I had taken time to read up on my National Geographic or I would have lost it in there with Smart-Ass-Neutron.
Anyway, there we were, traveling at twice the speed of light and after about an hour, we located a planet, with the perfect conditions for habitation, according to one of Jimmy’s gadgets. I secretly name our new discovery ‘planet Krypton’ after the place from which Superman hails.
Yes! Finally I can get away from this big-head hogging all the space! I thought as we broke into the atmosphere. (OK maybe I should have been thankful, but this guy was driving me nuts) In two minutes, we were there; thanks to Jimmy’s twice-the-speed-of-light-rocket.
Somehow today seems to be a day of surprises; first with the earth disappearing, then Jimmy Neutron and his rocket and now this. Jimmy is not helping at all. He’s too obsessed with rock samples.
Before me I see exactly what I wanted to get away from: Earth, with all its chaos.
Hold on, let’s rewind back. Earth? This isn’t earth! This is supposed to be Planet Krypton!
“Jimmy what did you do?”
“Nothing,” he replies and off he goes with his rock examiner.
Where’s the big-head when I need him?
After a few minutes, I realize that Jimmy has landed us a few streets away from our neighborhood. I was analyzing my chances of finding Jimmy again and getting some sense out of the situation when he rapped on my shoulder.
“Hey”
Speak of the devil…
“Yeah? What is it?” I ask
“Well, after a bit of research, I’ve found that every 7 blue moons (I later learnt that one blue moon is 96 years) someone’s wish to make the world disappear comes true. And unimaginable force beyond comprehension transports all the things on Earth and its near vicinity to another planet with equal resources for life. Only the ‘wisher’ remains on earth.”
OK, that was a little bit too much for me to understand
“Run that by me again?”
With enthusiasm, Jimmy continues, “you see, when there are two planets to use, although no one realizes it, the depletion of resources is reduced by 50%. That’s why the Earth; or technically earths aren’t destroyed by now.”
“So basically, there are two earths and once in a while, we switch between them?” I give him my simplified version.
“If you put it that way, yes,” says Jimmy, not at all impressed with my analysis, “well, see you around!”
“Um… you too.” I reply though not really meaning it.
Well, I got my life of yelling parents, annoying brother and alarming alarm clock back.
So much for Krypton.
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
New Bonds Forged
Friends come, friends go. Some stay a while, make your life better and then leave. Others stay forever, seeing everything: good, bad and ugly. Some have always been there, but they were inconspicuous. Friends come, friends go; but each is one to thank.
I started my ninth year in the Choice School most reluctantly. My class I found was HORRENDOUSLY HORRIBLY HATEFUL. I had not a friend who I was close to. And as they say the grass is greener on the other side, I found my friends' classes the ones I should have fit in perfectly. But they put me in the misfit class. I still think that I'd rather sit at home than spend another year in the same class(thank God we're getting shuffled).
But having common enemies reaps friendship, it is said. For me, and two of my friends this statement proved very true. Our common enemy was everyone who conspired in putting us into that class. The three of us despised everything about it. And that brought us together.
My friends are Shalini and Sanya. And thanks to them, the second half of the year proved to be an awesome time for me. If there's anything I'm going to miss from this year, its their company.
We formed a bond between ourselves that brought us close in our differences. We laughed enough to make drew Carey look bad! We got into trouble too, for a few misdeeds. But we sort of stuck together.
All three of us have friends outside class. Friends who we consider our real friends. Each of us silently thought that the other two were only replacements to friends in class, until we got out. But as the last days of school approached, we found, with lumps in our throats that we had grown on each other. From seeing each other everyday to sneaking out of trouble we had gotten through this horrendously horribly hateful class together. And I'm genuinely going to miss the crazy, perverted, funny times the three of us had.
We signed our school uniform ties today. With phone numbers, names and things that we want to remember form last year. We hugged. We formed a pact. The PPP. We split a three flowered twig among ourselves. We promised to knock off "certain people" when we get a chance. We hugged some more. I picked up shalini because she's so short and Sanya's so tall. We're working on a poem. We are working on our memories so that we don't forget to say hi to each other. We are brushing up our telepathic skills as backup if our memories(as afore mentioned) fail.
we maybe separable, but PPP WILL SECRETLY BLESS AND CURSE AND FOREVER REIGN UPON US AS PsYCHIC SIsTERS.
love you Shalu and Sani always.
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
life sucks: part two
every one has bad days. and i'm just like everyone. but unlike many people when i have a bad day, very few people know about it. i'm one of those keep negative emotions to yourself type. if everyone was like me, i think the world would explode with unvented anger and sadness. my only refuge is my pillows which are on some days soaked with tears or a close freind's comforting hug. i'd rather be completely isolated than show myself as a broken down frail creature. that's my ego working.
last week, life just took its toll on me. everything just came crashing down and the one person i relyd on, myself, showed weakness. what was i to do?
it all started with him. he was the faint spark that blew everything up. after everything he's said about me, and every action signifyng hate towards me, one fine day he comes and utters these words, "sorry for being mean." i looked at him wating for a continuation, in vain, "is that it?' i asked him. "yea" he says with a questioning look as if to say what more do you want? i was so angry that he expected me to jus bang my head and get a concussion so i'd forget each and every cruel word he said about me. i retorted with not an ounce of pity, "apology unaccepted."
that is the end of our comversation. and next thing i know im yelling to myself at how easy he thought it was to win me over again. and then my freind says, "why don't you just try being freinds with him?" that was it. i was broken. why u ask? because i had been trying all week to talk to him and he said that he didnt want to be freinds with me he just wanted to be my guy. and the next day, what do you think happened? well we sat down to talk about it like rational individuals that's what. the only problem is, when we are together, neither of us is capable of thinking rationally. he apologizes sincerely though and i forgive him. after all, i was head over heels for him only a few months ago. then he asks me how life has been. i say great. tells me his hasnt ever since i left and that he misses me. i say ok. he says he still likes me. i say i don't. it just came out. i don't know whay i'm such a wierd freak who doesn't think before she opens her mouth. but yea what has been said, has been said. nothing can change it. how have the tables turned so that i'm the one left feeling guilty? aaargh! its not my fault. none of this is my fault. i will get through this. and who cares what everyone thinks? i have me, myslf and i.
but why am i such a rude, sore bitch. i think all this emotion stuffed in me is leaking out more and more. and everyday is the worst day.
to top it all off, my parents are succeeding in ruining my life. yes sir. they can now read my email. it was a completely personal thing coz i have so many contacts who i don't see often. now i can't do any talking without censoring everything i say. great. so much for respecting my privacy. and my mom, thanks to my own stupidity reads an old diary entry of mine, abt this guy who once made me cry. she was shocked. and that was it with her trusting me. to make things worse, i hardly communicate with my famliy anymore. the occasional hi, that about all we say. sometimes i feel completely alone but other times i want to be that way. maybe i should tell my parents about my seemingly miserable life, but if they get involved i think things would only get worse. i must sort out my life for myself. there's my ego showing again.
its hard, you know. people never see what's inside before forming an opinion of you. whatever they see, they take for face value. even good freinds of mine can't make out the difference between a fake smlie and a true one. people think too fast.
but i am a person of strenght. i will get over this whole my life sucks thing, because at the end of the day, i will be happy. my life will turn out ok. and everything happens for a reason. sooner or later, i will love again. and though it may take time to heal these scars, i know time will heal all.
last week, life just took its toll on me. everything just came crashing down and the one person i relyd on, myself, showed weakness. what was i to do?
it all started with him. he was the faint spark that blew everything up. after everything he's said about me, and every action signifyng hate towards me, one fine day he comes and utters these words, "sorry for being mean." i looked at him wating for a continuation, in vain, "is that it?' i asked him. "yea" he says with a questioning look as if to say what more do you want? i was so angry that he expected me to jus bang my head and get a concussion so i'd forget each and every cruel word he said about me. i retorted with not an ounce of pity, "apology unaccepted."
that is the end of our comversation. and next thing i know im yelling to myself at how easy he thought it was to win me over again. and then my freind says, "why don't you just try being freinds with him?" that was it. i was broken. why u ask? because i had been trying all week to talk to him and he said that he didnt want to be freinds with me he just wanted to be my guy. and the next day, what do you think happened? well we sat down to talk about it like rational individuals that's what. the only problem is, when we are together, neither of us is capable of thinking rationally. he apologizes sincerely though and i forgive him. after all, i was head over heels for him only a few months ago. then he asks me how life has been. i say great. tells me his hasnt ever since i left and that he misses me. i say ok. he says he still likes me. i say i don't. it just came out. i don't know whay i'm such a wierd freak who doesn't think before she opens her mouth. but yea what has been said, has been said. nothing can change it. how have the tables turned so that i'm the one left feeling guilty? aaargh! its not my fault. none of this is my fault. i will get through this. and who cares what everyone thinks? i have me, myslf and i.
but why am i such a rude, sore bitch. i think all this emotion stuffed in me is leaking out more and more. and everyday is the worst day.
to top it all off, my parents are succeeding in ruining my life. yes sir. they can now read my email. it was a completely personal thing coz i have so many contacts who i don't see often. now i can't do any talking without censoring everything i say. great. so much for respecting my privacy. and my mom, thanks to my own stupidity reads an old diary entry of mine, abt this guy who once made me cry. she was shocked. and that was it with her trusting me. to make things worse, i hardly communicate with my famliy anymore. the occasional hi, that about all we say. sometimes i feel completely alone but other times i want to be that way. maybe i should tell my parents about my seemingly miserable life, but if they get involved i think things would only get worse. i must sort out my life for myself. there's my ego showing again.
its hard, you know. people never see what's inside before forming an opinion of you. whatever they see, they take for face value. even good freinds of mine can't make out the difference between a fake smlie and a true one. people think too fast.
but i am a person of strenght. i will get over this whole my life sucks thing, because at the end of the day, i will be happy. my life will turn out ok. and everything happens for a reason. sooner or later, i will love again. and though it may take time to heal these scars, i know time will heal all.
Saturday, March 11, 2006
Chachan.
This is a poem that i wrote. i'm a Malayali and the peom contains a few Malayalam words. I've included a glossary of all the words, translated into english. The poem is addressed to my grandfather, Prof. C.S. Abraham who passed away in 1999, when i was a young girl. He was a great man and a great basketballer. He played for the kerala state team, was a professional coach, and one of India's first international referees for the game. He also was a Phys. Ed. professor in the Trivandrum Medical College. I only hope that one day, maybe i can achieve a fraction of what he has, both as a wonderful person and as a basketballer.
Come back, come home.
Why did you leave?
I'm not ready yet,
Don't make me cry.
I just want to see you
one last time
To show you i love you
To show you me.
It's been too long
Can't bear it anymore
You left without goodbye and
I had to watch you leave.
Like an old song you float in my memories
But it is fading, gradually.
Do you see me?
I have grown, stronger, taller.
I see you in me,
I see your energy in everyone here.
I see your smile frozen in a picture
And i was next to you,
Us laughing together,
With you,I was so happy.
I awed you my Chachan.
If i could be with you now,
If i could be your little mol again;
I'd do anything
Just to walk with you in the field again
Or just to watch me score that basket.
I feel proud when they say,
"She's C.S. 's kochumol."
Come back.
Everyone wants you back,
Cisy, mon, Mary,
I want you back.
I don't want photographs,
I want to swing on your mundu.
I wish you could hold me.
Come back to me, my Chachan.
Don't leave without goodbye;
I miss you too much.
GLOSSARY
Chachan : father
Mol : daughter (pronounce "mole")
Mon : son (pronounce "moan")
Mundu : Long white or coloured cloth used by indian men as clothing to wrap around the waist. (pronounce "moon-du")
Kochumol : Granddaughter
Come back, come home.
Why did you leave?
I'm not ready yet,
Don't make me cry.
I just want to see you
one last time
To show you i love you
To show you me.
It's been too long
Can't bear it anymore
You left without goodbye and
I had to watch you leave.
Like an old song you float in my memories
But it is fading, gradually.
Do you see me?
I have grown, stronger, taller.
I see you in me,
I see your energy in everyone here.
I see your smile frozen in a picture
And i was next to you,
Us laughing together,
With you,I was so happy.
I awed you my Chachan.
If i could be with you now,
If i could be your little mol again;
I'd do anything
Just to walk with you in the field again
Or just to watch me score that basket.
I feel proud when they say,
"She's C.S. 's kochumol."
Come back.
Everyone wants you back,
Cisy, mon, Mary,
I want you back.
I don't want photographs,
I want to swing on your mundu.
I wish you could hold me.
Come back to me, my Chachan.
Don't leave without goodbye;
I miss you too much.
GLOSSARY
Chachan : father
Mol : daughter (pronounce "mole")
Mon : son (pronounce "moan")
Mundu : Long white or coloured cloth used by indian men as clothing to wrap around the waist. (pronounce "moon-du")
Kochumol : Granddaughter
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
Falling. Falling. Fallen.(FICTION)
I'm only 15. My mother says I'm too young to fall in love. My little brother thinks its worse than puke.
I didn't know what love is. Never experienced it first hand. My best friend told me it was this jump in your stomach when that special someone walks by. But how could love be something so temporary as a jolt in your stomach? I didn't think it was possible. I had so many ideas on love from different people.
I have always been a seer not a doer. I always wanted to know what the consequences were before I did something. Tina Aunty told me love was unpredictable. I didn't want to get involved in anything that could be aptly described as unpredictable. I am too safe for that. Wait, let me rephrase that. I was to safe for that.
I was until I met him. He just came into my life like a whirlwind first knocking me off my feet and then catching me before I hit the ground. All he said was 'Hi'. But it made my heart skip beats. He walked beside me and I grew conscious whether my hair was looking ok, if I'm not smiling too dorky(which I'm sure I was) etc, etc..
I didn't think he noticed anyway, but I still took the time off to look good. I thought up reasons to call him. And after keeping all this inside me for a month, I told my best friend. "oh my God, Mari you've fallen in love!!" she said.
I wouldn't accept it. I couldn't fall in love. I stopped talking to him. I stopped trying to impress him. I knew love was not some game you played when you were 15. Love was supposed to be something adults do when they were mature and able to make rational decisions. I was scared of love. But once in a while we said hi to each other and I had an occasional clench in my stomach but I tried my level best to ignore it. Soon I forgot all about him. I focused on my studies, my piano classes, my painting lessons.
One day, a year after my first encounter with him, we met again. We were taking part in a music program together, with a 100 other children. I went to practice my song. He practiced his. Ok, before I say anything else, I have to tell you, I honestly suck at singing, and they forced me to sing in the band chorus. He on the other hand, is one of the best singers I know(and I'm not saying that because I have a crush on him). We met every hour or so in the corridors for the breaks. I couldn't help but feel a certain attraction for him. But no, I would not fall prey to this thing called love. I pushed my feelings for him to the back of my mind. As long as he didn't know what's going on in my mind, why bother.
I didn't bother. Musicadenza came, we sang, it was a hit, especially his song which was exceptional. I melted in my seat when I heard him sing. I wished I was not so chicken to face myself. But I termed love a disease and I needed an immunity vaccine.
So, there I was, after the program. It was around 7 pm. Almost everyone had gone home. I was still waiting for my parents. He was helping the teachers clear up the stage. I silently watched him. I wonder what it would have been like if we were together. My mind wandered. Until he caught my gaze. I snapped back to reality. He stopped his work and walked hesitantly to me. Was he as shy as I or was he just not sure of what I was doing? Whatever it was, next thing I knew, he was there standing next to me and I was holding my breath....
"Marita, hi. Want some company?" He says in that dreamy voice of his. I'm speechless.
"Hey, you ok?" I am savouring his words and I am engrossed in everything about him. I look at him. Blue shirt and jeans. He's wearing black sneakers. His hair is all spiked up. He's looking fucking sexy. His eyes search me for an answer. That's when his question registers in my mind. I say, "Hi. Yea. Sure." that's all I can formulate.
He sits next to me and we are quiet. No communication. I don't speak because I know that if I do, something stupid will come out. All my feelings for him in the past year come rushing back in those minutes. But I am quiet. Now you know why I'm known for my self control.
He breaks the still silence, "Listen, I want to tell you something. It may sound crazy to you. you may never talk to me again. You may have never thought of anything like this. But I can't keep it inside any longer" I anticipate what is coming, but never in my life did I predict what was actually on his mind. I thought it would be anything but what he said.
His voice comes down to a whisper, "I love you"
I don't breathe anymore. I can't think anymore. My heart has failed to beat. My mind has stopped working and he is looking at me, for a reaction to his words. No three words could be more powerful than those. No other person could ever make me feel so incredible with just that sentence.
I forget everything I thought about love. I'm overwhelmed by this feeling this boy has brought in me. I couldn't deny it any longer. This guy, who I was evading for so long, he was in love with me. He wanted me. It was an incredible feeling. I was overjoyed. So much so that, despite warnings from my mother and my brother, despite everything I have ever thought about love, I change. My actions surprise me. But I'm controlled by this new feeling of love.
He stands up to leave because I haven't talked to him at all. I stand up with him and say, "Jeet, wait." he turns and I look into his dark brown eyes, I can feel this longing to be his. And the inner force in me directs me toward him. I lift up my heels (he's tall!) and kiss him. Just like that. Without any warning to neither me nor him. I love that moment which will forever be in my mind. The kiss of my life.
He held me close to him and we were locked in the kiss for hours(it seems). "I love you, Jeet" I say in the end. The four most meaningful words I have ever said. That night we sat together, not many words, but a newly forged connection between us. We had an understanding. He knew what I felt.
Now, I know what I feel. It is love. And I'm not afraid. Love is magic. Its everywhere and if you're too scared to fall, you'll never know how wonderful it can be to find someone who thinks your thoughts. I didn't have to search much. My love came to me. But its not always that way, is it? Jeet has made me the happiest girl in the world, and vice versa. I'm so in love with him, I feel like im flying. Just the thought of him keeps me smiling for hours. When I see him, it's like a wave splashing over me. He is everything.
I know, I am only 15. Mom thinks I'm too young. But he showed me that I shouldn't back down from something as beautiful as us.
I didn't know what love is. Never experienced it first hand. My best friend told me it was this jump in your stomach when that special someone walks by. But how could love be something so temporary as a jolt in your stomach? I didn't think it was possible. I had so many ideas on love from different people.
I have always been a seer not a doer. I always wanted to know what the consequences were before I did something. Tina Aunty told me love was unpredictable. I didn't want to get involved in anything that could be aptly described as unpredictable. I am too safe for that. Wait, let me rephrase that. I was to safe for that.
I was until I met him. He just came into my life like a whirlwind first knocking me off my feet and then catching me before I hit the ground. All he said was 'Hi'. But it made my heart skip beats. He walked beside me and I grew conscious whether my hair was looking ok, if I'm not smiling too dorky(which I'm sure I was) etc, etc..
I didn't think he noticed anyway, but I still took the time off to look good. I thought up reasons to call him. And after keeping all this inside me for a month, I told my best friend. "oh my God, Mari you've fallen in love!!" she said.
I wouldn't accept it. I couldn't fall in love. I stopped talking to him. I stopped trying to impress him. I knew love was not some game you played when you were 15. Love was supposed to be something adults do when they were mature and able to make rational decisions. I was scared of love. But once in a while we said hi to each other and I had an occasional clench in my stomach but I tried my level best to ignore it. Soon I forgot all about him. I focused on my studies, my piano classes, my painting lessons.
One day, a year after my first encounter with him, we met again. We were taking part in a music program together, with a 100 other children. I went to practice my song. He practiced his. Ok, before I say anything else, I have to tell you, I honestly suck at singing, and they forced me to sing in the band chorus. He on the other hand, is one of the best singers I know(and I'm not saying that because I have a crush on him). We met every hour or so in the corridors for the breaks. I couldn't help but feel a certain attraction for him. But no, I would not fall prey to this thing called love. I pushed my feelings for him to the back of my mind. As long as he didn't know what's going on in my mind, why bother.
I didn't bother. Musicadenza came, we sang, it was a hit, especially his song which was exceptional. I melted in my seat when I heard him sing. I wished I was not so chicken to face myself. But I termed love a disease and I needed an immunity vaccine.
So, there I was, after the program. It was around 7 pm. Almost everyone had gone home. I was still waiting for my parents. He was helping the teachers clear up the stage. I silently watched him. I wonder what it would have been like if we were together. My mind wandered. Until he caught my gaze. I snapped back to reality. He stopped his work and walked hesitantly to me. Was he as shy as I or was he just not sure of what I was doing? Whatever it was, next thing I knew, he was there standing next to me and I was holding my breath....
"Marita, hi. Want some company?" He says in that dreamy voice of his. I'm speechless.
"Hey, you ok?" I am savouring his words and I am engrossed in everything about him. I look at him. Blue shirt and jeans. He's wearing black sneakers. His hair is all spiked up. He's looking fucking sexy. His eyes search me for an answer. That's when his question registers in my mind. I say, "Hi. Yea. Sure." that's all I can formulate.
He sits next to me and we are quiet. No communication. I don't speak because I know that if I do, something stupid will come out. All my feelings for him in the past year come rushing back in those minutes. But I am quiet. Now you know why I'm known for my self control.
He breaks the still silence, "Listen, I want to tell you something. It may sound crazy to you. you may never talk to me again. You may have never thought of anything like this. But I can't keep it inside any longer" I anticipate what is coming, but never in my life did I predict what was actually on his mind. I thought it would be anything but what he said.
His voice comes down to a whisper, "I love you"
I don't breathe anymore. I can't think anymore. My heart has failed to beat. My mind has stopped working and he is looking at me, for a reaction to his words. No three words could be more powerful than those. No other person could ever make me feel so incredible with just that sentence.
I forget everything I thought about love. I'm overwhelmed by this feeling this boy has brought in me. I couldn't deny it any longer. This guy, who I was evading for so long, he was in love with me. He wanted me. It was an incredible feeling. I was overjoyed. So much so that, despite warnings from my mother and my brother, despite everything I have ever thought about love, I change. My actions surprise me. But I'm controlled by this new feeling of love.
He stands up to leave because I haven't talked to him at all. I stand up with him and say, "Jeet, wait." he turns and I look into his dark brown eyes, I can feel this longing to be his. And the inner force in me directs me toward him. I lift up my heels (he's tall!) and kiss him. Just like that. Without any warning to neither me nor him. I love that moment which will forever be in my mind. The kiss of my life.
He held me close to him and we were locked in the kiss for hours(it seems). "I love you, Jeet" I say in the end. The four most meaningful words I have ever said. That night we sat together, not many words, but a newly forged connection between us. We had an understanding. He knew what I felt.
Now, I know what I feel. It is love. And I'm not afraid. Love is magic. Its everywhere and if you're too scared to fall, you'll never know how wonderful it can be to find someone who thinks your thoughts. I didn't have to search much. My love came to me. But its not always that way, is it? Jeet has made me the happiest girl in the world, and vice versa. I'm so in love with him, I feel like im flying. Just the thought of him keeps me smiling for hours. When I see him, it's like a wave splashing over me. He is everything.
I know, I am only 15. Mom thinks I'm too young. But he showed me that I shouldn't back down from something as beautiful as us.
Thursday, February 23, 2006
mr G and miss V
Two of my close freinds are Mr G and Miss V. Mr G's best friend in the whole wrold is Miss S who is also a good freind of Miss G as well as myself. We have all been freinds, hanging out and having fun for a year and in some cases more.
Then one fine morning what is this i hear from Mr G? "I have a serious Crush on Miss V." I was shocked at his revelation, not becuase i found any fault with Miss V, but at the fact that Mr G had chosen someone other than Miss S, his best friend and someone i thought would have been like his soulmate, if you will.
Well, I extended my full support to G and so did S. And with the help of other freinds, we organised a whole plan for G to woo Miss G. After a while of constant mentioning of G's amazing qualities in front of V, we convinced her that it was worth giving G a chance. That's how it all started. The beautiful story.
He was head over heels for her! She liked him just as much. They held hands and talked sweet nothings to each other. Everone was happy for them. G and V were in bliss. They were the perfect couple. But nobody's perfect remember? Its the law of the universe, and Mr G and Miss V had problems of their own.
Family. They always try to wreck love, if they dont approve, and like typical malayali famlies, those of G and V condemned their relationship as "too young" "not good for you" "focus on your studies" "not part our our culture" and so on and so forth.
Especially for Miss V this was becoming a disater. Family was her everything, just like so many of us. If they were against her she couldn't get through. She talked to her father and sister and though she didn't make the happiest decision, she wanted her family more than G and confronted him. "G i don't think we will work out" She explained to him her dilemma. Since he was an anazingly understanding guy, G agreed to the break up. He told her that he will always love her and hopes that she still loves him, but he will do anything for her and so there it was. The perfect couple ended. Even though they loved each other, it was technically over.
This is where Miss S comes in. She provided supposrt for both G and V. She stood by G's side through all his depression and heartbreak. She was his pillar of strength. They bonded and laughed and creid together. G considered her as his best freind through thick and thin.
I dont know if it's a girl thing to fall in love with someone you are so close to like your best freind. Whether it was or not, S had fallen and fallen hard. She only thought of him and dreamed of him. She wanted to be his. But she knew his heart was stolen. S wanted to show him that she could love him like no other could. But she kept her feelings to herself, obviously. Telling him might risk their freindship.
A month after this, G proposes to V yet again. This time, with ring in hand and down on one knee. The classics never grow old. She was comletely swept off her feet and all her love came rushing back. They Instantly went back to their previous state of love. But all good things must come to an end.
V was still doubtful about her family and after less than a month, she broke up with Mr G yet again. Their relationship was getting rocky. But the love was still there. Untill one day....
V could no longer balance her family and her boyfriend at the same time and with much sadness but just as much obligation, she chose her family. She coudn't bear to see them dissapointed. By now, G got the impression that him and V were never going to be together and be happy for too long, so he decided it was time to get over her.
Hundreds of tears were shed on both sides. Even V, who had once declared that G could not possibly give her reason to cry, wept. G, who still loved her was trying deperately to get her off his mind, but in vain. He talked to his freinds. Laughed.
Miss S was always there for him. She understood him, he understood her. But she knew he only considered her as a best freind. She never took him for granted, while he did sometimes. They were like yin and yang. In her heart she knew he was the one, and she wanted to show him that badly, but she kept her thoughts inside her. She didn't want to jeopardize their freindship then, when they were so close, as freinds.
So there it was, G heart broken, V torn between two worlds and S happy just to be G's freind.
Is this the end? Or is there hope for someone? will S confess her feelings? only time will tell...
Then one fine morning what is this i hear from Mr G? "I have a serious Crush on Miss V." I was shocked at his revelation, not becuase i found any fault with Miss V, but at the fact that Mr G had chosen someone other than Miss S, his best friend and someone i thought would have been like his soulmate, if you will.
Well, I extended my full support to G and so did S. And with the help of other freinds, we organised a whole plan for G to woo Miss G. After a while of constant mentioning of G's amazing qualities in front of V, we convinced her that it was worth giving G a chance. That's how it all started. The beautiful story.
He was head over heels for her! She liked him just as much. They held hands and talked sweet nothings to each other. Everone was happy for them. G and V were in bliss. They were the perfect couple. But nobody's perfect remember? Its the law of the universe, and Mr G and Miss V had problems of their own.
Family. They always try to wreck love, if they dont approve, and like typical malayali famlies, those of G and V condemned their relationship as "too young" "not good for you" "focus on your studies" "not part our our culture" and so on and so forth.
Especially for Miss V this was becoming a disater. Family was her everything, just like so many of us. If they were against her she couldn't get through. She talked to her father and sister and though she didn't make the happiest decision, she wanted her family more than G and confronted him. "G i don't think we will work out" She explained to him her dilemma. Since he was an anazingly understanding guy, G agreed to the break up. He told her that he will always love her and hopes that she still loves him, but he will do anything for her and so there it was. The perfect couple ended. Even though they loved each other, it was technically over.
This is where Miss S comes in. She provided supposrt for both G and V. She stood by G's side through all his depression and heartbreak. She was his pillar of strength. They bonded and laughed and creid together. G considered her as his best freind through thick and thin.
I dont know if it's a girl thing to fall in love with someone you are so close to like your best freind. Whether it was or not, S had fallen and fallen hard. She only thought of him and dreamed of him. She wanted to be his. But she knew his heart was stolen. S wanted to show him that she could love him like no other could. But she kept her feelings to herself, obviously. Telling him might risk their freindship.
A month after this, G proposes to V yet again. This time, with ring in hand and down on one knee. The classics never grow old. She was comletely swept off her feet and all her love came rushing back. They Instantly went back to their previous state of love. But all good things must come to an end.
V was still doubtful about her family and after less than a month, she broke up with Mr G yet again. Their relationship was getting rocky. But the love was still there. Untill one day....
V could no longer balance her family and her boyfriend at the same time and with much sadness but just as much obligation, she chose her family. She coudn't bear to see them dissapointed. By now, G got the impression that him and V were never going to be together and be happy for too long, so he decided it was time to get over her.
Hundreds of tears were shed on both sides. Even V, who had once declared that G could not possibly give her reason to cry, wept. G, who still loved her was trying deperately to get her off his mind, but in vain. He talked to his freinds. Laughed.
Miss S was always there for him. She understood him, he understood her. But she knew he only considered her as a best freind. She never took him for granted, while he did sometimes. They were like yin and yang. In her heart she knew he was the one, and she wanted to show him that badly, but she kept her thoughts inside her. She didn't want to jeopardize their freindship then, when they were so close, as freinds.
So there it was, G heart broken, V torn between two worlds and S happy just to be G's freind.
Is this the end? Or is there hope for someone? will S confess her feelings? only time will tell...
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
Educationally Speaking
School. Why does one go to school? To Enrich Their knowledge. Why do Students in India go to school? To stuff their brains with wanted, needed and completely unwanted knowledge about practically everything you could know, in the span of about 15 years, and memorizing every word to write many all-important exams.
I'm saying this from the view of a student. Teachers and parents may say that the Indian educational system is one of the most efficient ones in the world. And to support their theories, we see Americans and Europeans coming to India to find the secret of our system.
But for a student, studying this way is excruciating. We often question the need for learning about something as common as the internet with definitions with huge words when we could probably explain it much better by saying it in our own simple words. If going to school teaches us anything, its how to memorize 31 chapters to write an exam for 100 marks.
Indians stress on being book smart. The child with the highest marks are always commended. Teachers rarely pay any attention to students, who may not be able to put their thought in an exam well, but have brilliant ideas nevertheless. I've met so many people who were never great scorers in examinations but they are now successful in their respective fields.
The Indian educational system should give emphasis on ideas and creativity and not only marks, grades, exams. Teachers should recognize every student as intelligent. Schools must introduce ways to test children in creativity. There will be a rise in the number of students who look forward to going to school.
Sure, some of those supersmart kids won't be able to keep up with the street smart ones who can think on their feet and make logical decisions. I'm not saying marks are not important. They very well are. They encourage competition, they give us a way to judge the capacity of a student. But isn't school about preparing us for life ahead? Whatever happened to classes about first aid, FAQs on computers, an English speaking course, money management???
Indian students have minds evolved to learning. Grasping everything and shelving it in the depths of their memories. But how many can react smartly in a crisis?
And for how long will students enjoy school?
Indian students, parents and teachers alike must re-prioritize the system.
I'm saying this from the view of a student. Teachers and parents may say that the Indian educational system is one of the most efficient ones in the world. And to support their theories, we see Americans and Europeans coming to India to find the secret of our system.
But for a student, studying this way is excruciating. We often question the need for learning about something as common as the internet with definitions with huge words when we could probably explain it much better by saying it in our own simple words. If going to school teaches us anything, its how to memorize 31 chapters to write an exam for 100 marks.
Indians stress on being book smart. The child with the highest marks are always commended. Teachers rarely pay any attention to students, who may not be able to put their thought in an exam well, but have brilliant ideas nevertheless. I've met so many people who were never great scorers in examinations but they are now successful in their respective fields.
The Indian educational system should give emphasis on ideas and creativity and not only marks, grades, exams. Teachers should recognize every student as intelligent. Schools must introduce ways to test children in creativity. There will be a rise in the number of students who look forward to going to school.
Sure, some of those supersmart kids won't be able to keep up with the street smart ones who can think on their feet and make logical decisions. I'm not saying marks are not important. They very well are. They encourage competition, they give us a way to judge the capacity of a student. But isn't school about preparing us for life ahead? Whatever happened to classes about first aid, FAQs on computers, an English speaking course, money management???
Indian students have minds evolved to learning. Grasping everything and shelving it in the depths of their memories. But how many can react smartly in a crisis?
And for how long will students enjoy school?
Indian students, parents and teachers alike must re-prioritize the system.
Life Sucks: part one
I'm not a pessimist. I've never been one. But my teenage life is turning in such unexpected ways that I can't help but plainly say that life sucks.
It's all karma I keep telling myself. You get what your give.
I think it all started with a dream. Now, I'm not someone who delves deep into the unexplained mysteries of life like dreams or astrology or psychic powers. But I saw a dream that I broke up with my boyfriend who I'd been with for about 1 and a half years.(Which by the way is a long-lasting relationship as far as we were concerned) We weren't going that great anyway and then to top it all off, my best friend goes and tells him that I was in love with another guy. (how considerate) He got angry, obviously and blindly believed what she said. I don't blame him. I would have done the same thing. But as usual when we have a fight, he doesn't confront me about it. It's just his nature. But by then I decided that I had got enough of all that. I just wanted to end it all. And so I did. I told him, "I think we should break up". And like any guy would do so as not to hurt his huge ego, he goes, "alright". That one word was all I needed to know I had made the right decision.
I loved him with my heart and soul, I did. I thought I could do anything if he was right next to me. I missed him if he was away for an hour. And I'm pretty sure he loved me too. We had so much fun together, and I got really close to him. But that was the past...
Now I see him, and though I knew this was exactly the way he would have reacted, I'm still overwhelmed by the person he has become to me. We are like strangers. He tells his friends I am a b***h and a s**T and hope I f*****G die. How is it that this was the same guy I was head over heels about? Well, I miss the old him. And the saddest thing is, he's only like that to me. Of course, I'm sure he has good reasons to hate me. After all I broke his heart by breaking up with him. But well, I'm still a bit surprised. I just hope maybe one day, the both of us will have enough patience and love left in us to talk this out. But I fear that day might never come.
It's all karma I keep telling myself. You get what your give.
I think it all started with a dream. Now, I'm not someone who delves deep into the unexplained mysteries of life like dreams or astrology or psychic powers. But I saw a dream that I broke up with my boyfriend who I'd been with for about 1 and a half years.(Which by the way is a long-lasting relationship as far as we were concerned) We weren't going that great anyway and then to top it all off, my best friend goes and tells him that I was in love with another guy. (how considerate) He got angry, obviously and blindly believed what she said. I don't blame him. I would have done the same thing. But as usual when we have a fight, he doesn't confront me about it. It's just his nature. But by then I decided that I had got enough of all that. I just wanted to end it all. And so I did. I told him, "I think we should break up". And like any guy would do so as not to hurt his huge ego, he goes, "alright". That one word was all I needed to know I had made the right decision.
I loved him with my heart and soul, I did. I thought I could do anything if he was right next to me. I missed him if he was away for an hour. And I'm pretty sure he loved me too. We had so much fun together, and I got really close to him. But that was the past...
Now I see him, and though I knew this was exactly the way he would have reacted, I'm still overwhelmed by the person he has become to me. We are like strangers. He tells his friends I am a b***h and a s**T and hope I f*****G die. How is it that this was the same guy I was head over heels about? Well, I miss the old him. And the saddest thing is, he's only like that to me. Of course, I'm sure he has good reasons to hate me. After all I broke his heart by breaking up with him. But well, I'm still a bit surprised. I just hope maybe one day, the both of us will have enough patience and love left in us to talk this out. But I fear that day might never come.
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