Unfriendly

Sometimes the world is the last place you want to be. This world is everything that you hate, sometimes. That time is now for me. I cannot stand being here. I cannot take any more of this suffocation. I hate everything about this materialistic, monotonous madness.
My parents are being very much like themselves. They are not content with what I do. They do not trust my capabilities. They do not support my decisions. And I am the only one at fault. I am the innocent fool. I am the easily flattered child. I am the careless disappointer. I wish they were not a part of me. Or more appropriately, sometimes I wish I was not a part of them. I don't mean to say they are bad people, or bad parents. No. I will always be at fault.
My friends could not care less. Who are my friends? Where are they? They are far away. Too far to hear my suffocated thoughts, or feel my dry tears on their skin. I trust them. I love them. But now, I need them not. They are not the ones who I want to share these thoughts with. They are the ones sitting in coffee houses, enjoying themselves; while I lie in my bed, numb to this unreal world.
My love. Though he is not here physically, I know we share a bond; unbreakable. But I can't take it anymore. I can't bear the distance. We are so very close. I can feel him all through my mind. But I don't want us to be broken down by our distorted surroundings. It's so painful to be there, wanting so desperately to say so many things, but we can't breathe a word. Like in autumn when you're walking ahead, and the wind, sand and leaves rush at your face, rustling you and leaving you flustered. The world is our autumn wind. And they never leave us alone. I want to run away with him to a far off place, that only we know. Somewhere real. A space in time, where we can be ourselves and say all that we want to, do all that we've dreamed of. I need to escape with him to a somewhere, someday, where nothing and nobody can ever tear us apart.

Love

I'm in love. There's no other explanation. I've fallen long and hard for this guy.
He's everything I've ever wanted in a lover. He's all i'll ever need in a freind. He's always there, right beside me and wow, it's incredible what i feel.
Can any of you explain this to me? I don't know what it is. I've heard alot about love, but i've been hurt believing that it was love before.
Somehow, this time, things are different. We have an understanding. i mean, its just something special. we really love each other with our heart and soul. and we want to protect each other. we wan't to in each other's arms. that's how much.
i love him. nothing could be better than this.

Joyeux Anniversaire!

That's French for Happy Birthday! And to none other than Moi.
I'm finally sixteen. I'm just hoping it's as sweet as they make it to be!
It was a pretty good day. Most of my friends called. A handful of them completely forgot, but hey, forgiveness is my thing.
Got a bunch of cute stuff as well. My friends can be so sweet when they want to! If they carried on like that the whole year, this world would be a better place.
I got all the sweetest cards from my best friends, with these poems for me (because they know how much I love poetry) and all these funny thoughts and things.
And my dearest love(sound nice, calling him that!) gave me something that I've been wanting for a while now. Pictures of him!! What a perfect birthday treat. Now I get to gape at him the whole time. And he also got me this absolutely ADORABLE card that's to die for. Seriously.
Anyway now onto something else. No, it's not going to be the whole mish-mash of "oh no, I'm getting older by the year". (sort of obvious don't you think?)
Well, I was thinking, does the whole "birthday love" fade? I mean you're always treated extra special for your birthday right? but we know its not just about that one day. I mean, other than an opportunity to throw a party, exploit your friends and their wallets, and get reminded you're going to conk off a bit sooner, a birthday doesn't really have a deeper resemblance, does it? I always wonder, if there's something under all this rush.
In fact, life's just like one big birthday party right? There are a bunch of people around. Some you know too well, some you met two weeks ago, some that u don't really like, but you invited them anyway, just to be nice.(aren't you the sweetest?) All the poeple that make your life good, bad and ugly.
There could be a bunch of balloons(your parents' idea: they think you're still three). Things that make you feel like flying, but u never know when they're going to pop and bring you crashing down.
What about the birthday song? Everyone sings in a semi-drawl and though it doesn't really sound too great, its nice because you know that all these people; the fact that they're here, singing for you means that you have people in this world that someday you can ask for help, and they wouldn't mind as much as the odd guy across the street.
There's the birthday cake, of course with all those candles melting over it. The big goal of your life. One you've been working toward most of your life. There were alot of those "melting candles" spilling wax all over it, and occasionally ruining everything. but only on the surface. and with all the hardwork you've put in, (with a hand once in a while from balloon-loving parents, freinds and family) finally you have it all right in front of you.
Oh and don't forget the food. What everyone really came here for. The food. So what does the food signify? Well, to me food is always just that. Hey, people need nutrition!
There are the parting gifts. "Thanks for coming, here's something for you." Well, everyone has worked their way through the whole party, as you would in life and so for that, you get your little gift. Some peace of mind that though you did things right and you did things wrong and the right have got you this far. And now its time to take a back seat and let life unfold.
And there you are, thinking man, it all got over too soon. But you say, "Hey, nothing lasts forever" and sit back, reflect, and relax.
You smile to yourself wondering whether you'd ever get a second chance at hosting that party, at inviting the people you invited, at picking the cake you wanted. Well, party's over folks. No turning back now. That's life isn't it?

Hey, I just brought something thoughtful out of this whole birthday nonsense. Wait, don't tell me your thinking, "so are you saying all this isn't nonsense?" well, it's like making something out of nothing. I feel more content now. Everyone should be this nice more often. Except him of course, he's always nice. I wouldn't change him for the world.
If I die tomorrow, I'd say I would have died happier than most people.

And She Returns

Well, my exams are over, for the time being. But soon another set are going to start(in about 2 weeks). I guess this is what being in tenth is like anyway.
Last week, I had my basketball coaching camp. It was really tiring, because we had to play extra hard since it was selection week. I'm on my school team. It's a lot of fun, but like I said before, just really tiring. I've got a terrible body ache right now. But I'd do anything for basketball.
School is going on monotonously. I do my arts major in dance, so today I got about an hour or so practicing my dance. Again, tiring, but well worth it. Dance really brings out a lot of emotion.
Everything else is fine.
And for the most important thing in my life, he's as wonderful as ever. I'm more in love with him now, than I ever was. We really have so much fun together, just laughing and acting like children, or singing out loud, or just being ourselves. He's got all of me.

See you soon.