Going Down Deep

Long time since I wrote. Quite a bit has happened. My life has taken its toll. Everything has crashed. Nothing makes sense anymore. Sometimes I feel suicidal, sometimes murderous. most times, I am hopeless.
He is too far away. They have pulled him away from me. When I say they, I mean practically everyone. Our parents, our teachers, the circumstances, they all work against us. It tires me to keep fighting against the current. So I let myself flow with it. I bore the searing pain of having to stay away from him.Our words came like dust. Our eyes stopped trying so hard to communicate. Why? Because we're not allowed. We're not supposed to love or to hold. Not now, probably not ever. It's shattering me. I can't stand the distance any more. I can't bear to see the sadness in his eyes. It's impossible not to love him, and even harder to try and forget this love. I wouldn't dare try. I would never forgive myself if this got lost in my memories, without a fight.
One day, it dawned on me. It hit me that if I keep going with the flow of time, our love will have slipped through my fingers and I would regret it forever. and then I decided, I'm not going to let go. I'm never letting go of him. No one can make me change my mind. This means too much to my life. I need his love. mostly, I need him by my side.
The fact that the one person I could always run to for comfort can't be there anymore has made me even more dependant on him. Academically, I seem to be doing pretty well, but it doesn't even excite me anymore. Fewer people are pointing fingers at me because they don't see us together anymore. Maybe I can convince them that this love is not destructive.
I don't know what I'm going to do. But we know that we love each other so very much. We wouldn't stop holding on until all hope is lost. Maybe even without hope, we would still stay by each other. Only time can tell, what fate awaits us. After all, destiny can't have a chink in its chain.