Thinking...

I feel pensive. I am thoughtful. These thought are not sane. They are not specific. My mind is wandering like a leaf floats with the wind. Aimless, submissive to surroundings and dreamy. I am letting the wind carry me and my thoughts.
I want to go far far away. I want to lie down on soft clover and look up at a cloudless sky. But no, in this busy life, where is the time for sleeping on clover? Just taking a minute off to think might lead us to sleep on concrete instead. Time is of the essence. Things are always happening too fast. I must run to keep pace. Everyone must run. No wonder they call it the rat race.
I take a minute, just a minute, to sit down. To think. I might lag behind in the race, but at least I wouldn't trip on the strings of pressure around my limbs that I need to loosen.
I think of my life, in the past two months. Too much has happened. I hardly blinked, and I was swept away by this tornado that is life. Ah, but change is welcome. Change is variety.
I'm not complaining; life is treating me well. I only want to think about it all. My decisions, my work, my carelessness, the smiles, the sighs of relief, the unexpected surprises...
I am trying to think about all this. But it looks like my head is overflowing with him. Nothing else. Just him, his ways, his words, his smile. I must be going insane again.
tell me, is this love? Is this what they all talk about?

James.

Today was special.
Today was Metallica marathon.
I've decided on something..

JAMES HETFIELD IS THE HOTTEST MAN ALIVE!

*DROOL*

:P

Why I can't do what I want

I love to write. It's the only way I can honestly express myself. Everyone has their own passion don't they? Well, mine is writing.
remember when you were a kid and your parents friends ask you, "What do you want to be when you grow up? A doctor? An engineer?" I shunned the thought of being a doctor. The simple thought of blood made me nauseous. As far as being an engineer was concerned, everyone around me wanted to be an enginner. I never wanted what everyone else did.
" want to be a free spirit. I want to be unique. I want to do what i love. I want to be artistic" This was my answer to their questions. If i had expressed my feelings, they would have looked at me as if i was elvis back from his grave.
I kept writing, and as i grew older, i knew what i wanted. I wanted to be a journalist. It involved the things i enjoy: writing, travel and perhaps fame?
There is just one small problem. My parents when i was younger said, "be more focussed." Now they say, "keep your options open."
I really want to be a writer or journalist, now more that ever. But it seems, they have planned a different life for me. One with a degree in engineering, a job as a software engineer or an IFS officer, and happily married (arranged by them of course) with two kids(courstey my mother).
Yes, i am supposed to live a life they wanted to live. Not one i want to.
But i will think about my future. Maybe i'm too young to make my own decisions. That is what they seem to be implying anyway.
We'll see how it all goes.

Nothing Else Matters

Nothing Else Matters... it's one of those songs that are so absolutely beautiful. I'm a great fan of Metallica, but this song has so much meaning, and so muchexpression. I love it. It hold a significance in my life, because it's the first song I sung with him. And its the first song he sang to me. It's my favourite love song.

So close, no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
And nothing else matters

Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I don't just say
and nothing else matters

Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view
and nothing else matters

never cared for what they do
never cared for what they know
but I know

So close, no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
and nothing else matters

never cared for what they do
never cared for what they know
but I know

Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I don't just say
and nothing else matters

Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us, something new
Open mind for a different view
and nothing else matters

never cared for what they say
never cared for games they play
never cared for what they do
never cared for what they know and I know

So close, no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
No, nothing else matters

The End of my freedom.

Tomorrow is the first day of school, for the new academic year. I'm going to the tenth. If you're an Indian, and you're reading this, I bet you're going, "oh boy, she's in tenth,. She really needs to buck up now" if you didn't go like that, either you have no concern for people stepping into the unknown black hole that is the tenth board exams, or you are completely ignorant about the educational system of your country.
anyway, my two-month summer vacation is over. Today is the last day of the best two months I'll have in a while. My tenth will begin tomorrow, and my life will be smothered with grandma mentioning, "no more playing this year" dad and mom forcing me to "get focused", teachers with the more that occasional "time to get serious" juniors looking at me in awe that I dared to pass my ninth and mean seniors smirking, "u wait and see.."
but I wont listen to them. I will get through tenth like everyone before me. I'll be fine. Right?
I hope so.
my school bag is packed. My uniform is ironed. My shoes are shiny. Now all I need to work on is getting through this year!
I'm so nervous. What if my class has all these creeps in it? What if I trip when I walk into class? What if my teachers a freaky psychotic warlord? What if my ex-boyfriend passes rumors about me? What if I forget my name? What if I can't study anything because I'm so stupid? Oh no! What if I become stupid?
I need help.
I need to be calm, collected.
breathe.
breathe.....
wish me luck!!!
hope everything comes out ok