Tuesday, May 30, 2006

What is Happening???

Wow. I'm in such a good mood today for some reasoni don't know..haven't got much mail from him. Actually no mail from him.but I know he's thinking of me . I just do. Like intuition. I know thateven though he's so far away.and even though I haven't seen him in a month,even though he told me about the pretty French girl sitting next to himeven though I'm not the prettiest or the smartest girl in the worldI know that he loves me for who I am, no matter where we are.it may be stupid to think that. It may be downright foolish. My friend asked me whether he could be staring at the French girl and thinking about her. But somehow, I have this feeling in my heart, I'm my head, all around me that it's me he's thinking about. And that it's me he wants to come back to.maybe its the words he says to me, woven like a tapestry with yarn of golden truth. Or maybe its the way he says my name. The way his voice flows through me like a crystal river, refreshing me.I can't fathom how something like this could happen to me. And I doubt whether I deserve it. But its happening. My senses have been taken over.is this love? I thought I knew what falling in love was like. But this was so new...And so unpredictable, yet so comfortable. Being with him is like being wrapped up in a quilt when all around you is a raging storm. He gives me a sense of belonging. I used to be the "wacko". Now I have some company.we're so alike.and I know that the miles won't stop him loving me as much as I love him.

Sunday, May 28, 2006

Stripped

Disappointed. Unsatisfied. Probed. Revealed. Untrusting. Saddened. Lost. Frustrated.
my feelings at this moment.
If u write in a diary, you would know how bad it would feel for someone to read it.
for me, my diary was my life. It still is. It is my ultimate refuge. A treasure chest of every feeling I've felt. It is me.
one of my very good friends one day, happened to stumble Upon it. And understandably enough, she had to open it. She had to read its hidden contents. She had to know my mind. My mind, which only I was entitled to know. To make it worse, she read it with one of her friends, who thoroughly hates me. To know that someone who I hardly know, who I don't like, read me is heartbreaking. The day I found out, I went into my room. Looked at my diary..And felt stripped of my innermost feelings.
it hurt me so much, that I just lay on my bed and cried for a whole hour. I was so depressed.
but Shalini said sorry. And I didn't show to her how horrid I felt inside. I just smiled and told her it was ok. I genuinely liked her, and I dint want to fight with her. So it passed.
until the other day, she makes yet another confession. She has read this Blog. And well, this was my private Blog. One that is public only to people who don't know me. People who wouldn't use this information against me. But she did. Without asking me.
and that is why I feel disappointed. Unsatisfied. Probed. Revealed. Untrusting. Saddened. Lost. Frustrated.

maybe, someday I will forgive. Maybe even forget. But my feelings at this moment are true.
I will not make this mistake again.