Undterminable

each one of us has some urge within us to be different. we have a wanting to do something special with our lives that no one else can do. and we admire the people who have acheived this. we look up to them and give them laurels. they become our heros, our role models.
i find everyone around me with these very real hopes of doing something different in life, and i find myself wishing the same.
young as i am, i have always wanted to be different, unique in every possible way, and yet, i could share a common thread with any random person. i have my own dreams, my own ideas, my own imagination and it is very different from other people. at the same time, i can find something similar with any person and begin a conversation with them. i am a chameleon in that sense. i can change according to the people around me and i am comfortable in most environments. but somewhere in me, as i have grown older, i have found myself a misfit. in my attempts to blend in, i had forgotten to discover my desire to be unique. but now, those desires come pouring out and i find myself reacting to situations, wanting things, that are different, out of the box.

my life is paved in front of me like an ominious highway. school, college, job, marriage, kids, retirement, death. sure, i'm going enjoy some beautiful times. but there is no excitement in a life so perdictable. and i could, if i wanted to let it happen this way. i could choose this well driven, safe highway, with all the right stop signs and green signals. or i could walk through the woods barefoot. my spirit would rush to the woods without a second thought. my mind would submissively drive along the safe highway and my heart, of course, my heart would be in the woods too. aching to experience the uncertainty of it all, but too scared to really go out and do it.
someday, this little girl, that i still am, will grow up. maybe then, i will have the courage to walk into those dark woods and the intelligence to steer my way out without too many bruises.

i remember Robert Frost:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less travelled by,
And that has made all the difference.