Something Is Seriously Wrong WIth Me

Not, that there never was...
something was always wrong with me.

Today was a bad day. It shouldn't have been a bad day, but it was. It all started with chemistry. Just thinking about it tires me. The easiest topics in chemistry are so tough for me. I know this is only the beginning, and it's scaring me. Unit tests are in a month. I can't do badly. Everyone else is going to be perfectly fine in the end, and me. Oh I'm still going to be drowning in an ocean of some god forsaken acid. So it was chemistry really that got me into this terrible day.
Then there was merit evening. I didn't even feel proud of my merits. All i felt was hot and sweaty and tried and sleepy and bored. I wanted to go home. or better, i wanted to go back in time when i didn't have so many things to think about.
And after that ordeal, there was the getting home and the sitting down and the waiting for the water heater to work, and the cursing the heater for not working, and the not bathing in hot water, and the usual family talk....it all felt so weighty on me.
And then there were friends to console, to listen to, to remind it's not them i am angry at. There was him in my mind the whole time. Wishing against wish that today, just today, he could hold me, because i really desperately needed to be held. He would have comforted me, let me scream and cry and complain until it was all out. it's frustrating when it's taboo to let him ease my irritation.
Maybe the night will ease it instead.